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Post by tjaman on Nov 22, 2004 10:36:10 GMT -5
Ah, well, that was my bad.
I'm sure I still have the e-mail list ... somewhere ...
I'll have to look.
And I'll send out VIMB-Act 2 Wednesday night.
Sorry everyone
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Post by Bango on Nov 22, 2004 12:37:13 GMT -5
Tj, I just read your first act of VIMB and I have to say it's very brilliant! You made the characters seem very real, which helped me jump into the story/play very soon in the reading. Can't wait for the 2nd act, it's sure to be good!
Teal, I never got to read your screen play,(never could open the file), but I would like to comment on your synopsis of it...You really impressed me with your ambition to go beyond the boundaries. What was said couldn't be done, you went out and tried to prove that it could. I admire that, and I'm sure your screen play was very good!
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Post by TealBox on Nov 22, 2004 18:25:42 GMT -5
Teal, I got your email, but you wouldn't mind putting the file in WordPad form? The file you have it in won't work on my computer. Sorry. I converted it to Wordpad for you.
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Post by Bango on Nov 23, 2004 0:16:58 GMT -5
Thanks, I read it. I found it to be very funny,(it is supposed to be funny, right?). I enjoyed reading it!
Not that you probably will do it, but it would be interesting to follow up with the three boys trying to find the dressing room and have them have a hard time trying to fullfill their mission...give them a disappointment once they finally reach their destination. Not that you probably will...but it would be fun to follow up on their adventure somewhere within the story.
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Post by TealBox on Nov 23, 2004 18:10:53 GMT -5
If and when I finish the script I'm planning to make mention of it again. I don't know if we'll she it first hand or just have someone talk about it. It is supposed to be a movie about Pong, but 90 minutes of a white dot bouncing back in forth would be horrible, so I'm trying to focus more on how the game is purely competition against another person for a simple goal. I'm sure I can tie horny teenage boys into that theme some how.
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Post by tjaman on Nov 23, 2004 21:10:02 GMT -5
I'm sure I can tie horny teenage boys into that theme some how. And a computer-generated Kelly LeBrock.
Hey, I'd watch it.
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Post by PyleansDontLeaveMe on Nov 24, 2004 9:04:52 GMT -5
Firsties- Teal, I can't get Pong to open either - What file format is it in? WOuld it be possible for you to send it to me in .doc format or in the E-mail? Looking forward to reading it. Secondsies- TJ- I really love the central conceit of VIMB - that of two competing theatre companies doing the same play (will they be doing them in the same space as well? When I saw it was in a coffee house, I really hoped that the play would be staged there. Will it? ) On a side note- THere actually used to be a coffee house/bar in downtown mpls named Jitters - I used to play there every once in a while for some extra cash. Wonderful place - knocked down to build a mega-target. ah well. such is life. ok- specifics- I would set up the joke of 'My Fair Maiden' not 'My Fair Lady' right off of the bat. I was a bit confused about why you were calling it My Fair Maiden at first, and it took me out of the drama a bit. It's a good joke - that they're doing some weird copyright dodge thing - I'd just set it up right off the bat so that we aren't left thinking 'Isn't it called My Fair Lady'? for those first few minutes. ANother thought - You might want to save the revelation that Cameron didn't intend for VIMB to be a comedy for a payoff later on. If he's just gritting his teeth and going along with things but obviously upset about proceedings that gives us a lot to wonder about him - plus it allows you to reveal what he's really frustrated about at a dramatically inopportune moment later on. You can get a lot of good payoff out of a great setup like you've got here. INRE: the improv section - Have you considered leaving it like it is and allowing your actors to just riff on whatever improv thread they go on for a few minutes? Lots of great and successful plays incorporate a great deal of improv into their structure, and I think you've given yourself a great opening to do something along those lines here. Beach Blanket Babylon, Psycho Beach Party, and Shear Madness, not to mention Tony and Tina's Wedding, etc. etc., all have staged long and successful runs by blending improv with script, and you've really given yourself permission to do that with the setup going on here. A wonderful setup of an interesting premise- I really want to see the scene where both troupes are performing the same play in the same space simultaneously, one as a farce, one as a drama. The comic potential there is fantastic Looking forward to reading more.
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Post by tjaman on Nov 24, 2004 10:34:27 GMT -5
Thanks! Really appreciating the comments.
"My Fair Maiden" is just a problem, because I don't have the rights to "My Fair Lady" (from the original draft) and I don't think it's in the public domain as yet. But an obvious parody is allowed, so that's what I was forced to go with. It makes more sense in Act 4.
Without giving too much away, Cameron needs to be upset about the drama/comedy thing here in Act I, so the audience gets why it isn't exactly the same play on both sides of the stage in the Act 2 rehearsal -- Alan is always changing Cameron's stuff. This is played for even bigger laughs in Act 3.
It sets up that the one side of the stage is going to be doing a serious, dull, boring presentation and there's no need for anyone to pay attention to it, except that it makes what is happening on the other side of the stage all the funnier.
Basically it's a setup. With tonight's installment we'll see how it begins to pay off.
P.S. -- The improv selections are written so Alan's line to Diane at the end makes more sense. I'm painfully aware of how quickly distant "Whose Line" and even "Enterprise" are from being mainstream pop-culture references -- another reason I suspect this will never get staged.
More later.
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Post by PyleansDontLeaveMe on Nov 24, 2004 11:51:38 GMT -5
That's cool. I'll tell you what a professor told me a few years ago. Don't be afraid when you're writing to use the actual names of things (This was in response to my having characters play a game of 'twist-o' instead of twister for exactly the same reasons that you site. This is because of a few different reasons, and I'll address the practical ones first- Whoever owns the rights to My Fair Lady will almost definitely not mind. Just because you mention the name of the show in your play doesn't really bother anybody enough for them to get worked up about it. It's not infringing on them in any way or taking away from any of the revenue potential from their show. In fact, it's probably likely that they would just look on it as free advertising - getting the name of their show mentioned repeatedly and so on. As long as your not using My Fair Lady to advertise your show (i.e. cashing in on their name) they really aren't in any kind of actionable position anyway, since you aren't doing them any harm or profiting off of their work. If you were to include in your advertisements 'A theatre company does a production of My Fair Lady!' then you might have more of a problem, but that's clearly not your intention. So, you have no intent to either plagerize their work OR to profit by the use of the name as it's just something that comes up in discussion and not a major drawing point. If they did attempt to file a lawsuit it would almost certainly be thrown out under a general 'no harm, no foul' kind of feeling. Additionally- If they contacted you and said they had a problem with it, you can always change it to something else then- not problem at all. Also- If they DID file a lawsuit be sure to send them a GREAT BIG thank you card. Do you have any idea how much free publicity that would give you from a case they would be unlikely to win? That means big coin at the box office, me matey. BIG coin. Pray that they file a lawsuit. That's the best thing that could ever happen to your career. Honestly. That's really the reason why it almost never happens- you essentially end up rewarding the person whose work you're trying to prevent. OK- onto the artistic reasons- Calling a game Twist-o when you clearly mean Twister creates a deliberate air of artificiality about the piece. The audience is immediately put in a state of awareness of the fictionalization of what their watching, which can be either a good thing or a bad thing, depending on whether you are doing it intentionally or not. If you're consciously trying to create an air of artificiality for whatever plot or thematic reason you have it's a very effective tool. If you're not, you're better off just using the real name of the thing. ANyhow, that's what the professor said to me Like I said before, I think it could be the setup for a great joke if you set it up as such from the very beginning.
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Post by tjaman on Nov 24, 2004 12:08:30 GMT -5
Good points all. * seriously considers reverting to the original on that point, in that the alternative isn't as much fun *
Basically in Act 4 there is a song snippet from "My Fair Maiden" that is most likely unaccompanied. It would be better than the song I came up with.
But I'll post the one I came up with at that point so we can all laugh at it.
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Post by tjaman on Dec 2, 2004 0:11:04 GMT -5
I finally got to read "To Play Pong," and I've gotta start with damn', kid. This is a great start.
It's like "Arrested Development" meets "Malcolm in the Middle" or something -- cutting to otherwise contextless scenes for the second or two of storyline they contribute, and then the street scene with the horndogs.
I liked their conversation, I liked the logic of the horny teenage boy mindset, I liked how you'd included history and development.
Except for the fact that this is maybe all of about 2 to 3 minutes of screentime ...
... * redirect * ...
... I'd characterize it as an excellent start.
Way more interesting than a white square floating back and forth for 90 minutes. ;D
The development of the VG: Was this actual research you did? Because it's fascinating, and presented in a completely fun way.
I'd totally watch this. Napoleon Dynamite, eat your heart out. ;D
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Post by TealBox on Dec 2, 2004 18:16:02 GMT -5
The development of the VG: Was this actual research you did? Because it's fascinating, and presented in a completely fun way. As far as I know, yes. I got it all from 2 or 3 websites that seemed to agree with each other, but I know from experience that not everyone who makes a website actually knows as much about their subject as they think they do, so I could be wrong. Wow, that's some really positive feedback you gave me. Whenever I submit something I put myself into a "prepare for the worst" mind set. I like compliments.
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Post by PyleansDontLeaveMe on Dec 15, 2004 13:26:58 GMT -5
Teal- I've just gone over To Play Pong again, and I just have to say- DAMN!
You are absolutely required to teach yourself screenplay format, because you are clearly far far too gifted in using it already to not train yourself properly. I'm serious. You're obligated.
The easiest way to learn in is to pick up a software program called Final Draft. It's about 100-150 bucks, available at any software place. I'm tempted to buy you a copy and send it to you, because as I said YOU ARE OBLIGATED TO TRAIN YOURSELF PROPERLY.
And you're pretty much obligated to finish this screenplay. Because the sooner you do the sooner you'll sell it and be ridiculously well off.
And allow me to give you your one line sales pitch, which will pretty much guaranty studio interest-
'It's Stand By Me, but for Generation X'
(OK- I'm aware that this is stretching the bounderies of Gen X a tiny bit- but- Studios love a product that they already understand (everybody loves Stand By Me. It's a great movie. They want to make another one, because they know people will understand it) and B: Studios are always itching to tap into Gen X pockets- it's a lucerative market)
Please remember that I gave you this sales pitch and float a little of that mad cash my way come the day, huh?
You cannot possibly be as young as you say you are and be writing this well. I'm sorry, you just can't. If you want proof, I'll send you some of the crap I was writing at your age, and you can see the difference for yourself.
Tonally this screenplay is perfect. Absolutely perfect. The jokes come exactly where they should, the pace is spot on, and the style is wonderful. The three boys obsessed with breasts set out clearly, which pretty much establishes our main guys personality by contrast. The faux-school educational film style of the intro makes me think of so many comedies that I'm fond of that I can't even tell you.
Seriously man, FInish this.
Your wallet will be glad you did.
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