Post by Darkchylde on Mar 27, 2006 1:14:53 GMT -5
I found this artical in a magizine yesterday and I thought it was pretty funny so I have to bloody retype the damn thing but I think its worth it. Its by a Australian comedian called Wil Anderson. Its about how political correctness is effecting our nursery rhymes. May offend.
Also there might be some things you might not understand, mainly because its Australian so I'l just fill in the blanks now so it makes a bit more sense.
Makybe Diva - Race horse, famous for winning the Melbourne Cup 3 years in a row and was backed by Carlson from Queer Eye when he came to Melbourne in 2004.
Various New Zealand and Sheep jokes and referances - Australians love to make fun of Kiwi's and because in NZ, for every person there is at least 2 sheep and most Aussies say they have sex with sheep over there.
New Zealand Rugby team are known as the All Blacks.
Tony Abott: I think he was on the Australian Wheat board and apparently they have been doing deals with Iraq. This was pre-war.
Noddy and Big Ears: a kids show over here and I think England. (I think its produced by BBC) Its about ta place called Toyland and Noddy is an elve and Big Ears name speaks for it self. He's an elve too.
So a school in England has changed Baa Baa Black Sheep to Baa Baa Rainbow Sheep. Ok, the first question that needs to be asked is: "What is a rainbow sheep? Are they the ones Ken Done gets wool from to make his jumpers?"
This comes hot on the heels of a school in Aberdeen who changed it to Baa Baa Happy Sheep. Apparently a happy sheep is one that just found its owner is vegetarian, or has moved away from New Zealand.
Hey, I'm all for teaching kids tolerance and acceptance, but this seems like political correctness gone mad. (Sorry, I'm probably not allowed to say "mad" any more, Because it makes fun of people who sell furniture on late-night TV at ridiculously reduced prices.)
Where's it going to stop? Are we going to have to watch out for a "rainbow cat" crossing our paths? Will AC/DC have to change their album to Back to Rainbow? If you want coffee without milk, do you ask for a "long rainy"?
Then again, on the upupside, if this catches on, fashion experts will no longer dub something the "new black" and the New Zealand Rugby team will be nowhere near as terrifying when they're the All Rainbows.
But it wont stop there, will it? Soon we'll have to ban Noddy's mate Big Ears because he might offend Prince Charles and Tony Abbot: we'll have to change the words to "there was a crooked man" because it might p*ss off members of the Australian Wheat Board: and we'll have to re-name Little Red Riding Hood because it might offend men with ginger hair.
We'll have to get rid of Humpy Dumpty. After all, we can't have kids exposed to a story about an egg with fatal head injuries - although, it has to be said, maybe letting the king's horses have the first crack at putting him back together again wasn't the best idea.
What's going to happen when thse kids grow up and see and accident? Will they refuse to call an ambulance and instead wait for Makybe Diva to get there to preform CPR?
Hey Diddle Diddle will definitely have to go, too. With references to violin playing cats and cows jumping over the moon, it sounds less like it was written by Mother Goose and more like it was penned by Hunter S Thompson during an acid flashback.
Then there are the Three Little Pigs, who quite clearly ingnored all building guidelines when they made their houses out of straiw and twings. And don't get me started on Jack and Jill. Sure, they said they went up the hill to "fetch a pail of water", but we all know, it was Jill's waters that broke nines months later.
What about the Old Woman Who Lived in a Shoe? Now this certainly isn't a story for kiddies; if anything, its a story for A Current Affair and child welfare. "She had so many children she didn't know what to do." Well, how about stop having sex you old shoe-horn? She should have been the Old Woman Who Loved In A Show. Apparently, if the stiletto's-a-rockin', don't come a knockin'.
Specking of immoral behaviour, what about the dish running away with the the Spoon, especially when the dish was already married? Mrs Dish had just given birth to a saucer, and the Dish had already been in trouble for the time he was caought with Mrs Cup. As for Little Boy Blue trying to blow his hoen, we can't even call him Little Boy Blue, because that's probably offensive to Smurfs and people who've just come out of really cold water.
And what about Rock a Bye Baby? First of all, who puts their bloody baby in a tree top? Yes, we all know when the wind blows the cradle will rock, but don't these idiots realise that when the bough breaks, the cradle will fall , and down will come baby and all?This isn't a childrens rhyme, it's a storyline for Law and Order: SVU.
While we're talking crime, should we really be celebrating the story of Goldilocks? Sure, it's afine when she's stealing some porridge from some bears but would you feel the same way after she broke into your house and took your DVD player to cash converters because it was "justy right"?
Yep, won't the world be a better place once the PC police rewrite all our stories? Rip Van winkle obviously has an Advanced cas of narcolepsy; Repunzel just needs a tub of nads; Georgy Porgy was sexually confused and over conpensated with an eating disorder and Mary Mary Quite Contrary no doubt just has a case of ADHD, which can be easily treated with Ritalin.
Then all they'll have to do is change Three Blind Mice to Three Visually Impaired Mice; Oranges and Lemones to Oranges and Lesbians; and Snow White and the Seven Dwarves to Snow Rainbow and the Seven Vertically Challanged Little People, and we'll all live happily ever after.
Also there might be some things you might not understand, mainly because its Australian so I'l just fill in the blanks now so it makes a bit more sense.
Makybe Diva - Race horse, famous for winning the Melbourne Cup 3 years in a row and was backed by Carlson from Queer Eye when he came to Melbourne in 2004.
Various New Zealand and Sheep jokes and referances - Australians love to make fun of Kiwi's and because in NZ, for every person there is at least 2 sheep and most Aussies say they have sex with sheep over there.
New Zealand Rugby team are known as the All Blacks.
Tony Abott: I think he was on the Australian Wheat board and apparently they have been doing deals with Iraq. This was pre-war.
Noddy and Big Ears: a kids show over here and I think England. (I think its produced by BBC) Its about ta place called Toyland and Noddy is an elve and Big Ears name speaks for it self. He's an elve too.
So a school in England has changed Baa Baa Black Sheep to Baa Baa Rainbow Sheep. Ok, the first question that needs to be asked is: "What is a rainbow sheep? Are they the ones Ken Done gets wool from to make his jumpers?"
This comes hot on the heels of a school in Aberdeen who changed it to Baa Baa Happy Sheep. Apparently a happy sheep is one that just found its owner is vegetarian, or has moved away from New Zealand.
Hey, I'm all for teaching kids tolerance and acceptance, but this seems like political correctness gone mad. (Sorry, I'm probably not allowed to say "mad" any more, Because it makes fun of people who sell furniture on late-night TV at ridiculously reduced prices.)
Where's it going to stop? Are we going to have to watch out for a "rainbow cat" crossing our paths? Will AC/DC have to change their album to Back to Rainbow? If you want coffee without milk, do you ask for a "long rainy"?
Then again, on the upupside, if this catches on, fashion experts will no longer dub something the "new black" and the New Zealand Rugby team will be nowhere near as terrifying when they're the All Rainbows.
But it wont stop there, will it? Soon we'll have to ban Noddy's mate Big Ears because he might offend Prince Charles and Tony Abbot: we'll have to change the words to "there was a crooked man" because it might p*ss off members of the Australian Wheat Board: and we'll have to re-name Little Red Riding Hood because it might offend men with ginger hair.
We'll have to get rid of Humpy Dumpty. After all, we can't have kids exposed to a story about an egg with fatal head injuries - although, it has to be said, maybe letting the king's horses have the first crack at putting him back together again wasn't the best idea.
What's going to happen when thse kids grow up and see and accident? Will they refuse to call an ambulance and instead wait for Makybe Diva to get there to preform CPR?
Hey Diddle Diddle will definitely have to go, too. With references to violin playing cats and cows jumping over the moon, it sounds less like it was written by Mother Goose and more like it was penned by Hunter S Thompson during an acid flashback.
Then there are the Three Little Pigs, who quite clearly ingnored all building guidelines when they made their houses out of straiw and twings. And don't get me started on Jack and Jill. Sure, they said they went up the hill to "fetch a pail of water", but we all know, it was Jill's waters that broke nines months later.
What about the Old Woman Who Lived in a Shoe? Now this certainly isn't a story for kiddies; if anything, its a story for A Current Affair and child welfare. "She had so many children she didn't know what to do." Well, how about stop having sex you old shoe-horn? She should have been the Old Woman Who Loved In A Show. Apparently, if the stiletto's-a-rockin', don't come a knockin'.
Specking of immoral behaviour, what about the dish running away with the the Spoon, especially when the dish was already married? Mrs Dish had just given birth to a saucer, and the Dish had already been in trouble for the time he was caought with Mrs Cup. As for Little Boy Blue trying to blow his hoen, we can't even call him Little Boy Blue, because that's probably offensive to Smurfs and people who've just come out of really cold water.
And what about Rock a Bye Baby? First of all, who puts their bloody baby in a tree top? Yes, we all know when the wind blows the cradle will rock, but don't these idiots realise that when the bough breaks, the cradle will fall , and down will come baby and all?This isn't a childrens rhyme, it's a storyline for Law and Order: SVU.
While we're talking crime, should we really be celebrating the story of Goldilocks? Sure, it's afine when she's stealing some porridge from some bears but would you feel the same way after she broke into your house and took your DVD player to cash converters because it was "justy right"?
Yep, won't the world be a better place once the PC police rewrite all our stories? Rip Van winkle obviously has an Advanced cas of narcolepsy; Repunzel just needs a tub of nads; Georgy Porgy was sexually confused and over conpensated with an eating disorder and Mary Mary Quite Contrary no doubt just has a case of ADHD, which can be easily treated with Ritalin.
Then all they'll have to do is change Three Blind Mice to Three Visually Impaired Mice; Oranges and Lemones to Oranges and Lesbians; and Snow White and the Seven Dwarves to Snow Rainbow and the Seven Vertically Challanged Little People, and we'll all live happily ever after.
