Mike, the Grr Arg Monster

[Aunt Arlene]

On the Buffy forum, a thread got started speculating what the Grr Arg monster was doing now. We named him Mike. I went in an odd direction with it and was having fun until the thread was locked. Supposedly the thread was both off topic and fan fiction. I was having too much fun with it so I thought I'd continue it here. Feel free to join in!

[Aunt Arlene]

Finding himself out of a job, Mike struck out to make a name for himself. He was busted flat in Baton Rouge, waiting for a train, and he was feeling near as faded as his jeans. It had taken him four days to hitchhike from Saginaw. He had never been to Spain, so he was leaving on a jet plane. He didn't know when he would be back again. He boarded the wrong flight, however, and ended up in Katmandu. He was understandably angry and told the stewardess, "take me to the pilot!" The pilot was already gone so Mike went to find someone in charge. "Tell me something good", Mike growled. "That'll be the day", the airline official said. He did give Mike a discount ticket for his next flight. "That don't impress me much" grumbled Mike.

Mike was worried about his next step. "What'll I do? I guess I'll take the long way home" he thought. Mike decided to be a wanderer and a ramblin' man so he spent one night in Bangkok. He had heard about the werewolves of London, so he thought he would feel right at home there. Mike thought, "I would walk 500 miles", but he soon got tired of walking and yelled, "Oh Lord, would you buy me a Mercedes Benz?" His prayer was answered, after a fashion. He found a little red corvette waiting for him on the next street. He soon found that he could not drive 55. He came upon a river and took the ferry cross the Mersey.

Unfortunately Mike couldn't find satisfaction in England. He began to yearn for sweet home Chicago and to again have breakfast in America. He boarded a yellow submarine to take him back home. Another passenger remarked, "We're lucky that the tide is high. Otherwise we could resemble the wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald." A man on the dock saw Mike board the sub and thought, "there goes a madman across the water." Poor Mike still hasn't found what he was looking for.

[Insane Troll Logic]

I can see the way it skewed all tangenty.......zombies and songnames, zombies and songnames......hmmmm.......if I can think of anything, I'll join in! Looks like fun.

And the mods are really strict over there, by the sounds of it - off topic driftage is the core of the AtS Tome experience!

;D

[Charisma69]

They locked the Grr Arg thread?! Those bastards ... they killed Mike!!!

That was one of the better threads over at the Buffy forum.

That Murdok just doesn't know what's good.

Great story by the way. I loved all the songs mixed into the story. I used to write stories like that all the time in high school. It was loads of fun. If I feel all inspired and stuff I'll have to join in. ;D

[Aunt Arlene]

I actually have several installments written about Mike. I had several already planned when the thread got canned. Here is part 2.


Mike is on the road again. Going places that he's never been. Someone told him that the Devil went down to Georgia so Mike decided to check it out. He got in his hot rod Lincoln and started rockin' down the highway. He spent six days on the road. He needed a break so he decided to stop in a country bar. The room was full of Mona Lisas and Mad Hatters. He sat next to a woman at the bar with yellow feathers in her hair. Her name was Lola and she kept calling the bartender "Tony". The bartender said, "Lady, for the last time, my name is Paul. My girlfriend Paula wouldn't like you hitting on me."

Mike somehow managed to meet a real honky tonk woman. Her name was Mandy. He thought, "wow, what a witchy woman!" He asked her to come dancing so they put on their boogie shoes and danced till a quarter to three. They really rocked around the clock. He thought he was just a rhinestone cowboy, but she saw diamonds on the soles of his shoes. Mike told her that it was time for him to fly. Mandy said, "cowboy take me away!" Mandy's boyfriend tried to stop her from going, but she said "goodbye Earl". Earl proceeded to drink heavily and started crying on Paul's shoulder. "There's a tear in my beer", Earl sniffled.

It turned out that Mandy was from the East coast. She called her mother to tell her about Mike. Her mom said, "Please come to Boston". As they started the long drive Mandy yelled, "Take me home, country roads!" When they got to Boston, they were married. Then they spent a weekend in New England. They bought a house and it is a very, very, very fine house with two cats in the yard (won in a poker game, of course.)

[Aunt Arlene]

Mike had the world on a string, he was sitting on a rainbow. Unfortunately, things are not looking good for our hero. He has become obsessed with poker and has earned the nickname "the gambler". He lost his two cats, and then some, in a game just last week. He had a dead man's hand, but his opponent had a straight flush. His friends tried to console him. "Don't you know that you don't mess around with Jim?" Mike was also having trouble with his marriage. Mandy decided that an unemployed poker player with a face only a mother could love was not what she signed on for.

Mike was returning to his house on Solsbury Hill. He noticed a little deuce coupe in the driveway and a man carrying Mandy's suitcase. He suddenly wanted to run, runaway. Instead he angrily asked Mandy, "whose bed have your boots been under?" She said, "I'm Jessie's girl now." "Some guys have all the luck" Mike muttered. "Don't leave me this way!", Mike cried. "Goodbye to you, Mike" Mandy said as she got in the car. Mike turned a whiter shade of pale as he watched Mandy and Jessie drive down the long and winding road. Mike knew there were fifty ways to leave your lover and they all hurt like hell. Mike yelled out, "does your mother know?" He already missed his green eyed lady. Mike mused, "why do fools fall in love?"

"I may be a lonely boy now, but I will survive" thought Mike. As he walked back towards the house, he heard the theme from "A Summer Place" coming from the speakers of a passing van. Then he saw a feather boa come blowing out of one of the windows. It continued blowing down the street like a tumbleweed. Mike sighed. Love is like oxygen, but since he doesn't need oxygen...

[Aunt Arlene]

Our hero decided to sell the house and move out of town. Too many memories. He didn't know where he was going, as long as it was anywhere but here. He sold the house to a nice couple from Texas. Their names were Bobby Sue and Billy Jo. They paid cash, so Mike was again flush in kittens, so to speak. He made a quick call to arrange some transportation. More specifically he dialed 867-5309. Twenty minutes later a big yellow taxi came to pick him up. He told the driver to take him to the train station. He didn't have any particular place to go so he took the last train to Clarksville. Nobody else was on the train. He was alone again, naturally. His cell phone rang during the trip. He saw that it was Mandy. "Devil woman" he thought, but he answered the call. "Hello, it's me. I want you back" Mandy said. "It's too late, baby. I'm already gone" replied Mike as he ended the call. He got off the train and just started walking. Electric Avenue became Ventura Highway. He turned onto Penny Lane and then again on Seven Bridges Road. He was clearly on the highway to hell. Sundown came quickly. He was still walking after midnight. Daybreak arrived and Mike found himself in front of some pink houses. At the dark end of the street he saw a brick house with a "room for rent" sign in the window. Mike was tired. Every step felt like he was walking on broken glass. This place had to be better than staying at the Y.M.C.A.

[Aunt Arlene]

Mike was settling into his new place. He liked the wallpaper design. Mike hoped he wouldn't spent too much time counting flowers on the wall, smoking cigarettes and watching Captain Kangaroo. Mike realized he would need to get a job if he wanted to stay in this wicked little town. Mike laughed to himself and thought, "If the devil danced in empty pockets, he'd have a ball in mine." What could he do for a living? Mike doubted the 9 to 5 route was for him. He wanted to be a blue collar man, but working in a coal mine was also out of the question.

Mike went to the Paradise Cafe for some breakfast and to think about his options. It was early, but he decided to have a cheeseburger in paradise. His food arrived. "Mmmm. Full of grease and green onions. I like it like that." Mike read the want ads while he ate. He saw an ad for a farm hand. He had always liked wide open spaces so he headed out to apply. Mike noticed some unusual cloud formations as he walked. He thought one cluster looked like an eye in the sky.

Mike passed a warehouse along the way. He would have kept on walking, but Mike thought he heard screaming. He approached the door and heard the muffled sound of "Stuck in the Middle With You." The door flew open and a man greeted Mike. "Ah. Mr White I presume?" Oddly enough, the man was holding a human ear. Mike ran away screaming. He didn't stop until he reached the farm.

Fortunately for Mike, nobody else was interested in the job. He was hired on the spot. Thank God he was a country boy. His first chore was to help Lucille, the farmer's wife, in her garden. The garden was a mess. Most of the flowers had been chewed up. Lucille said that an empty garden would not do for her garden party. Mike thought for a moment, then he exclaimed, "I've got a theory! It must be bunnies!"

Mike went on to his next task, feeding the livestock. On his way to feed the bull, Mike stepped in a big pile of shhh...er, shaving cream. He went slip sliding away and landed in front of the bull. The bull was not amused. Mike tried to placate the animal. In what he hoped was his most soothing voice, Mike said, "You don't really want to hurt me." Not being a big fan of Culture Club, the bull charged and sent Mike scrambling over the fence. He landed face down in the dirt. When the dust settled, Mike found himself staring at a pair of pink cowboy boots. He looked up and saw Brandy, the farmer's daughter. Mike hoped this was his next chore...

[Charisma69]

Mike thought for a moment, then he exclaimed, "I've got a theory! It must be bunnies!"

This was your best installment yet!!! ;D

Thanks Auntie, you made my day! I really needed a good laugh after being in study hell all night.

Now I can go to bed with a smile on my face. ;D

[Bango]

You wouldn't by chance consider adding two new characters would you?

Like, say, PigBoy and Donkey,(played by Bitterman and Tjaman)....

Think about it!