11-10-04 through 11-16-04

[PyleansDontLeaveMe]

This thread is for feedback and discussion of work distributed amongst the Algonquin Round Table between November 10th, 2004 and Novenber 16th, 2004

The pieces in question are :

Haiku's from our beloved Tealbox
Hell is where the heart is, Scene one - from Py


If you would like to be added to the roles of the illustrious Algonquin Round Table in order to be able to submit and receive Round Table works in progress, please contact Py, who will probably just add your name to the roster without any bruhaha whatsoever.

[TealBox]

I love your musical, Py. This weekend I attended Seussical the Musical 3 times at my high school because my friend was playing General Schmitz. I am so sick of friendly musicals. You really have the right idea. Writing a musical has to be challenging. I had an idea to write a musical called The Audience about the audience at a musical but I have yet to come up with anything good for it aside from the character of Fire Hazard Hank.

Teal, your poems sucked. Quit before someone kills you.

[Insane Troll Logic]

Loved the musical snippet, Py - getting snippy with organised religion while getting down to some serious high-kicking can be nothing but a big barrel of fun.

And I like Pammi so very much.

Teal - loved the haikus - little slices of life, just like a good haiku should be. And remember - no matter how many rules people say there are to haiku writing, it's the directness of life showing through that's always the main thing.

And the shortness of them, of course. Short and direct. Nice.

;D

[Charisma69]

Teal, your Haiku's totally rocked! Very great stuff. ;D

I haven't had a chance to read your musical as yet Py.

As you know, Tj was visiting this weekend and I'm just totally swamped with the group projects right now at school.

Group projects are the DEVIL!

I can't wait until I have time to read the musical though. I always love your stuff and I'm really looking forward to it. ;D

[Bango]

I bet they were great.

[tjaman]

I did -- however eventually -- get to read your haiku, Teal, and I enjoyed them for what they were -- immediate reactions to immediate situations going on with you. Which in a way just lets us get to know you better. And if I was being a smartass, I'd make a comment like "DON'T WRITE ANYMORE HAIKU!" But I'm of course kidding. Nice little bitties.

Py, of course, is now aware of my limitations in participating with word dox sent along as attachments -- no hope at all, actually (can't open them at home, and have about 50-50 success here at work). So, when I get the scriptie as an e-mail, I will absolutely react to it. Thanks!

[PyleansDontLeaveMe]

Yeah!
I heart you all.

Teal, I really adored your Haiku.

A few thoughts-

The haiku were all either strictly about ethereal thoughts and feelings of strictly about a concrete object.

There's absolutely nothing wrong with that, but I would challeneg you to try a combination of the two, endowing a concrete object with some sort of personal significance for you in terms of what the haiku was saying, know what I mean?

I really love the sense of a story progressing as you go through these. I can't be the only one who was filling in backstory about the circumstances going on while you were writing them, why they were being written, etc.

I also like that you leave that backstory unexplained- the hints of it that we have are just the right amount

Are you familar with the concept of Chapbooks?

Basically a small collection of poetry, inexpensive to produce because of the restricted length (Hell, most of the time photocopier access and a stapler is all you need.)

But they are - and here's the big thing - saleable.

You should be profiting from these, because they are good.

[tjaman]

Just read "Hell"-A1S1

First off, how hilarious is this concept?

I can't wait to learn more about Amy and I absolutely love Pammi. The chorus parts are great and I'm really looking forward to the rest of this show.

I like the beginning. And in real live theaters -- the sort of places that are actually equipped to put together big musical numbers because they have a tech crew and talented actors and not just whoever they could find and scrape together -- this would be an excellent opening. It requires a fairly good-sized stage (again, a real theater) because the trappings of hell have to set farther back from the singular figure so she appears alone -- and without context -- in her spotlight. A lot of times, community theaters have smaller stages and less accurate lighting systems than this show would require.

That is, in and of itself, just peachy.

The danger with that, however, is that people come into such a theater anticipating lavish staging which includes costuming. So unless you're planning to explain -- early -- why all the demons look like they've been tacked together at the last minute by middle-school moms, you may want to rethink that directive.

I immediately envisioned absolutely every aspect of this show -- your writing is incredibly accessible. I like the "OGDC," I like the P.A. voices, and I like Amy's reactions to them (the situation is going to be confusing for her and the audience so they're likely to be focusing on her for their cues and reactions). I get the sense that she's a pretty central character for the rest of the script, so it's a great intro.

The changing voices on the P.A. system suggests that G-d's in a bit of a bumfuzzle which might actually be true.

And I know this is early in the script, so you've probably got a good plan for this, but the archway above Dante's inferno is "Abandon Hope All Ye Who Enter Here" or something like that, and I wonder if we can anticipate any hope for Amy -- like this isn't actually hell at all but rather one of heaven's many hilarious "punk'd" welcomes.

But I eagerly await further installments, and truly enjoyed this introduction. The theological elements are present but you haven't allowed them to overwhelm the situation. The song sounds like it'd translate into an excellent opening number. You are a master wordsmith, Py -- indeed, your talents with rhyming rival those of Fezzik -- and this opening scene displays your usual good instincts for story development and character.

But wait a moment ...

How can I say that when we don't know -- we have barely met -- Amy?

Simple. Her reactions to what's going on are going to tell us volumes about her. The bit of script she's been given thus far indicates she is forthright -- if nervous -- and inquisitive -- interested in what's going on around her. She doesn't shrink into the darkness, but holds forth in the light. This is a brave and an attractive character and protagonist to build your story on, and guide the audience through what's happening.

Watch -- the first thing that happens in A1S2 is she's pitched over a railing.

In which case I'd have to say ... "Joss? Is that ... you?


Well done, Py -- it's off to an excellent start.

[Dr. Purple Goddess]

Well, I've finally gotten round to posting my thoughts on Py and Teal's contributions, and I must say I was really lovin' the Haiku's. I could invision myself in the moments at which you wrote them...very honest, witty, and charming.

As for Py, I too would attend this musical. I am a bit curious to know if it was written before the Buffy episode OMWF...because I couldn't help but imagine the OGCD as a combo of Lorne and the singing demon from that Buffy epi.

I hope that read as a compliment as I loved it. While reading this, I kept thinking that the woman, (amy?) was seriously in for a real tough time as the play goes on. I agree with tj, I felt instantly connected to her even though she really didn't say much. And I did imagine myself seeing all this with the same confusion and worry that she was obviously having.

Can't wait to read more.

[PyleansDontLeaveMe]

I started the musical WAY back in 1989 as a fifteen minute piece I was working on for our high school annual review.

Well, it didn't get finished in time for that, and I went off to college. I've kept tinkering with it on and off ever since, gradually lengthening and changing things.

The most recent draft dates from an independant study credit that I needed to finish my second tier courses for grad school which was in the spring of 2001. This draft was the first appearance of the obviously gay chorus demon who started off as a one off joke later in the show and has gradually had his part expanded.

I have always had a soft spot for camp demons, I guess

[tjaman]

Well, when you've got a winner, run with it.

[PyleansDontLeaveMe]

Dang straight.