You know you're getting old

[GreatMuppetyNick]

... when getting married is not as funny as it used to be.

Way back when, we used to tease each other about who would get married, who'd be the first and who'd be the last and all that. Y'know, stuff kids joke about. And the answers were always witty and funny and not-at-all serious.

For the past year though, I've come to be wary about asking that as a joke. Mostly cause I'd get serious answers. People would be telling me when they're planning to get married, where they plan to move, etc. And suddenly, something that was funny a couple of years back just became incredibly scary.

It seems now that all my friends are married, getting married, or already have plans to get married. And that's when you realize you're not in your teen or early twenties anymore. You're rapidly approaching your thirties, and it makes you look at your life so far pretty hard.

It's like, all these friends are out doing stuff, they settling down, and they're growing up. It's scary because you feel left out, and you feel like there's something you're doing wrong. And that scares the bejeebus out of me.

I know most of all this is just panic, a sort of a pre-pre-pre-midlife crisis*, and I'll probably get over it. I just hope I don't take too long to grow up.



*[/i] I should probably be getting a new sports car or something. Maybe something shiny and red and shaped like a penis.[/i][/color]

[quantumcat]

This is a rather daunting and exhilirating time of your life.

All the preparations you've been making,all the stuff you learned,starts to be applied.

Next thing you know,some of your crowd will be on second homes,careers and
marriages.

Some will have kids and all the children you used to know will be unnervingly adult.

(How can that infant be out of college?)

When you hit 32,ogling 19 year olds starts feeling funny.

After all,their parents were the 'big kids' you hung out with.

Not only do you lack the right to be a kid,novice,etc. anymore but you realize you're
the same age as the old geezers you had for teachers or your parents' friends.

Now the store clerk who was 25 years your senior looks remarkably young and vital.

It starts to seem plausible that you could be riding dirt bikes,surfing and travelling the
world one hostel at a time when *you're* 60.

The thirties and early forties are (I think) your second act.

The late forties and fifties have you feeling young again.

It's as if you've passed through all you worried about in middle age and you're ready
to confirm that age and cunning beats out youth and vigor every day of the week.

(Think of the lyric "And what he knows,you ain't had time to learn....")

You know your limits,you know a lot of the monsters who kept you up at night are
toothless and for every dream you've realized or set aside, a half dozen new ones have
assumed their place.

Right now,you're entering the scary stage when you realize you've become a grown - up.

Trust me,you're strong and clever enough to survive.

You'll last long enough to enjoy the phase after that when you realize a little maturity
won't get in the way of having a blast while leading a normal life.

(Just because Giles is eligible for senior discounts doesn't mean Ripper's been put in
mothballs.)

This part of your life is for living the fantasies you had about being an adult and for
getting a little humility as you realize adulthood neither makes you all-wise and all-powerful nor turns you into a clueless,asexual drudge.

You learn all the myths about grown-ups are nonsense.

We still see fairies. We can still fly when we are touched by pixie dust. We still like
comic books and ice cream.

We may want to turn in an hour after supper or nap in the afternoon but no one keeps
us from dancing straight through midnight and past the time the sun comes up.

You find out that if you can't have it all,you can come darn close-and you don't have to
settle for second best.

Enjoy ,Nick-the best is yet to be!!!

[Charisma69]

quantumcat said:

but no one keeps
us from dancing straight through midnight and past the time the sun comes up.

You are so right about that. Dancing is ever so much fun.

I can manage to stay out till 2 or 3 am and still make it to work at 7 a.m. - and be in much better shape than all the young kids.

They can't seem to manage the party balance. Where you know when to quit so you can make it to work and function the next day.

It does make it harder to just hang out with people of the opposite sex though. Most of my friends are guys, and as you get older most of them get married.

It's so much harder to hang out with them because wifes tend to get jealous, even if they know you're just friends.

So you end up loosing touch over time. I miss some of my guy friends, especially Erik. He was my best friend at one point. We lost touch after I got married. My ex was very much the jealous type.

Now I just won't date anyone that doesn't understand that some of my friends are guys, and I'm not dropping my friends for anyone.

[quantumcat]

It's one of the best kept secrets about getting older that we can do just about all the stuff kids
can because what we lack in stamina or youthful beauty we make up in confidence,
independence and a little knowledge.

It's SCARY being young.

You're dependent on other people for money,transportation,etc.

Other people tell you what to think,feel and how to be cool.

You have no idea what's going on with your friends.

You have a sneaking suspicion that optimism just means you're unaware of the problems.

Older folk have acquired a lot more coping skills.

As you said,Cordy,we know how to pace ourselves and we have nothing to prove by
having a 'good time' we can't remember the next day.

There is a downside in that real life intervenes and separates friends as they go their
separate ways.

(Marrieds and singles,parents and non parents,empty nesters or retired folk vs. regular folk...)

If spouses look askance at friendships with the opposite sex or sitting with those friends
reveals that "all the good ones are taken" or "where were you when I was available? "
then that's balanced by being able to say three words to someone at a water fountain without folks declaring you a couple and courtship rituals do not involve putting gum in
someone's hair or dropping a frog down their back.

It's possible to be friends with men and women so you have a much clearer idea of how
you should be treated.

(If your best friend's spouse treats you with more consideration than the so-called love
of your life,it makes you re-evaluate why you're with someone who doesn't respect you.)

Older folk have earned the right to be picky.

They can avoid restaurants with bad food,refuse to buy shoddy products and drop the
losers and users like a hot rock.

(There's something to be said for reduced energy and increased crotchetiness.

You don't have the strength to suffer fools gladly anymore or settle for less than you
deserve.)

The older you get,the more you can adapt and the less you want to compromise.

That gives you a lot of advantages over people just learning the ropes.

Mmmmmmm......here's to fully baked cookies-and the knowledge that stale crumbs
are great in piecrusts,toppings and ice cream.

[GreatMuppetyNick]

Things are not good when you go to a gathering/party/event/whathaveyou and realize you're the only one there going stag.

Not a fun feeling.

[Charisma69]

nickseng said:

Things are not good when you go to a gathering/party/event/whathaveyou and realize you're the only one there going stag.

Not a fun feeling.

I can't say as I've ever had that problem - or not that exact problem.

I have gone out with some of my friends when they had boyfriends and I didn't. It was ever so awkward dealing with them being in make out mode.

So, I went and made my own fun with the rest of the people there.

[GreatMuppetyNick]

Oh, it wasn't all that bad.

Just a sinking feeling, you know. The people there were nice enough not to rub it in.

[quantumcat]

Just think of all the single honeys who got word the next day that there was an AMAZING
unattatched guy there and they should have attended so they could take advantage of him-
er..the situation,I mean.

These are the times people can evaluate who you are when you're not doing the mating dance.

Now that they've seen your wit and panache during a somewhat awkward evening,,they can confirm you'd be interesting company in more conducive setting.

Wait and see...