Post by tjaman on Dec 16, 2006 3:21:38 GMT -5
“If you’re a fan of depression, stupidity and incompetence, 2006 was a terrific year for you.” – Lewis Black
Happy Holidays ...
I’ve thought for a while that something really amazing must be happening in 2007, because we seem to have been rushing through 2006 like we’re already done with it. And while not much has been happening with me this year, some huge things have been going on in the lives of people I love.
I lost two uncles this year. My uncle Everett passed on late in August. And hard on the heels of his loss I learned of my uncle Eugene’s illness.
I’m fairly certain I was already suffering from clinical depression earlier this summer because the news of this hit me in the gut hard. I flaked out so bad I couldn’t even attend Ev’s service. I just kind of curled up in a fetal ball.
I’d been feeling pretty low anyway since earlier this year when I was suffering from pain in my legs – a very mysterious debilitating muscle pain that hit first in one and then the other and in different places for a few days at a time (feet, ankles, knees) that made it impossible to exercise and so bad that I actually had to use sick leave for the first time in years. I was prescribed some anti-inflammatories at the time and they helped some.
I was starting to feel really overwhelmed by relatively minor tasks like keeping my dishes done or keeping my checkbook balanced and my apartment was routinely in complete disarray. I had a breakdown in an online relationship that ended very badly and to this day I’m not completely certain what went wrong. At the time that was very painful.
I’ve been having some trouble with Christianity lately, because it feels like the loudest “Christians” in public life are the ones that horrify me the most, and this war has been making me really question what God’s will for us actually is, because every side claims to have the Truth and most of them seem to be advocating violence of one sort or another. That and I’ve felt a little disconnected anyway since my sister found a new place to stay when she was in town so I pretty much lost track of her completely. Generally, it just kind of felt like my life was falling apart.
After being in every show last year I tried taking this year off to do some writing. And while I did manage to do a little I had a lot of trouble focusing on it. I wasn’t getting much feedback on my projects and I was feeling really unmotivated. Also, I wasn’t able to shut the stage out completely. I was still on the board, so I had meetings to attend. And I served as assistant director for “A Murder Is Announced” last spring and stagehand for “Slater,” an original work by our executive director, this fall, so my time wasn’t entirely my own.
I’m fairly certain I’d been suffering from a chemical imbalance for a good long while because things turned around some in October when mom gave me the boot in the behind I needed to go see a doctor and I was prescribed antidepressants. Also, I haven’t had a cigarette since August and I think I’m slowly getting healthier. The doctor said otherwise all my numbers were generally good so I was overall pretty healthy, which is always good to know.
And from not being able to get out of a chair sometimes without actually tearing up from the pain, I’ve been walking regularly, averaging more than 10 miles a week. The meds have really helped me sustain the drive to do that. I’ve been losing weight and feeling better about myself, which is a good thing.
And I haven’t been completely idle. One of the things I’m hoping to accomplish is digitizing my piles and piles of VHS tapes which I’ve been collecting since about 1989. First I need to figure out what’s on all of them, of course, so I’ve been cataloging them, and have managed to catalog about 100 of them, which has been a time-consuming process given just how much good television there is these days. I’ve been watching a lot also, first because I enjoy it, and also because I put together a weekly television column and I feel like I have to stay on top of a lot of media. The column hasn’t been picked up by anyone, but I get a lot of good comments from people and I’ve built up a decent set of clips I’m pretty happy with.
So as the year comes to a close, I’ve become less active in my church while if anything hungrier for spiritual meaning. I’ve also left service on my theater board, figuring I can be part of that group without having to be involved in absolutely every aspect of everything they do. And I’ve focused a little bit more on my health and on getting better.
And as for how things are right now, last week I drove down with a group of friends to Bismarck. We took in a show and afterwards we stopped off and had a beer, played some pool and sang karaoke. It was a complete and total blast.
I took a walk the other night when Minot was blanketed with a thick fog. The Christmas lights sparkled in the misty evening which just happened to be the perfect temperature for walking – cool, with very little wind. On another walk I saw the Northern Lights shimmering in the night sky.
And I thought that while nothing in life is perfect, things are probably going to be OK.
I think I did need to take this year off to get some perspective and really take a good long look at what I believe, what I’m accepting in my life, seeking out some healing influences and just taking some time for myself.
And whatever else happens I am, with everyone else, just running out the clock on 2006.
It’s entirely possible that something truly exciting is in store for us in 2007, and I for one am really looking forward to it.
Merry Christmas, everyone, and a Happy New Year!
-- T.
And now, the real question ... Do I send this depressing thing out to people or try to do a fifth draft of it?
Happy Holidays ...
I’ve thought for a while that something really amazing must be happening in 2007, because we seem to have been rushing through 2006 like we’re already done with it. And while not much has been happening with me this year, some huge things have been going on in the lives of people I love.
I lost two uncles this year. My uncle Everett passed on late in August. And hard on the heels of his loss I learned of my uncle Eugene’s illness.
I’m fairly certain I was already suffering from clinical depression earlier this summer because the news of this hit me in the gut hard. I flaked out so bad I couldn’t even attend Ev’s service. I just kind of curled up in a fetal ball.
I’d been feeling pretty low anyway since earlier this year when I was suffering from pain in my legs – a very mysterious debilitating muscle pain that hit first in one and then the other and in different places for a few days at a time (feet, ankles, knees) that made it impossible to exercise and so bad that I actually had to use sick leave for the first time in years. I was prescribed some anti-inflammatories at the time and they helped some.
I was starting to feel really overwhelmed by relatively minor tasks like keeping my dishes done or keeping my checkbook balanced and my apartment was routinely in complete disarray. I had a breakdown in an online relationship that ended very badly and to this day I’m not completely certain what went wrong. At the time that was very painful.
I’ve been having some trouble with Christianity lately, because it feels like the loudest “Christians” in public life are the ones that horrify me the most, and this war has been making me really question what God’s will for us actually is, because every side claims to have the Truth and most of them seem to be advocating violence of one sort or another. That and I’ve felt a little disconnected anyway since my sister found a new place to stay when she was in town so I pretty much lost track of her completely. Generally, it just kind of felt like my life was falling apart.
After being in every show last year I tried taking this year off to do some writing. And while I did manage to do a little I had a lot of trouble focusing on it. I wasn’t getting much feedback on my projects and I was feeling really unmotivated. Also, I wasn’t able to shut the stage out completely. I was still on the board, so I had meetings to attend. And I served as assistant director for “A Murder Is Announced” last spring and stagehand for “Slater,” an original work by our executive director, this fall, so my time wasn’t entirely my own.
I’m fairly certain I’d been suffering from a chemical imbalance for a good long while because things turned around some in October when mom gave me the boot in the behind I needed to go see a doctor and I was prescribed antidepressants. Also, I haven’t had a cigarette since August and I think I’m slowly getting healthier. The doctor said otherwise all my numbers were generally good so I was overall pretty healthy, which is always good to know.
And from not being able to get out of a chair sometimes without actually tearing up from the pain, I’ve been walking regularly, averaging more than 10 miles a week. The meds have really helped me sustain the drive to do that. I’ve been losing weight and feeling better about myself, which is a good thing.
And I haven’t been completely idle. One of the things I’m hoping to accomplish is digitizing my piles and piles of VHS tapes which I’ve been collecting since about 1989. First I need to figure out what’s on all of them, of course, so I’ve been cataloging them, and have managed to catalog about 100 of them, which has been a time-consuming process given just how much good television there is these days. I’ve been watching a lot also, first because I enjoy it, and also because I put together a weekly television column and I feel like I have to stay on top of a lot of media. The column hasn’t been picked up by anyone, but I get a lot of good comments from people and I’ve built up a decent set of clips I’m pretty happy with.
So as the year comes to a close, I’ve become less active in my church while if anything hungrier for spiritual meaning. I’ve also left service on my theater board, figuring I can be part of that group without having to be involved in absolutely every aspect of everything they do. And I’ve focused a little bit more on my health and on getting better.
And as for how things are right now, last week I drove down with a group of friends to Bismarck. We took in a show and afterwards we stopped off and had a beer, played some pool and sang karaoke. It was a complete and total blast.
I took a walk the other night when Minot was blanketed with a thick fog. The Christmas lights sparkled in the misty evening which just happened to be the perfect temperature for walking – cool, with very little wind. On another walk I saw the Northern Lights shimmering in the night sky.
And I thought that while nothing in life is perfect, things are probably going to be OK.
I think I did need to take this year off to get some perspective and really take a good long look at what I believe, what I’m accepting in my life, seeking out some healing influences and just taking some time for myself.
And whatever else happens I am, with everyone else, just running out the clock on 2006.
It’s entirely possible that something truly exciting is in store for us in 2007, and I for one am really looking forward to it.
Merry Christmas, everyone, and a Happy New Year!
-- T.
And now, the real question ... Do I send this depressing thing out to people or try to do a fifth draft of it?